Video game counselling was something I developed during the height of the pandemic. I see it as a virtual play therapy where it is almost like a digital playground for therapists and kids to interact. It is essentially kind of entering the kids’ worlds in a place where they are comfortable, where they can feel like they can express themselves authentically. 

I have seen the difference between a kid in a game, opening up and being very excited, versus a child being closed off, non-talkative, giving one-word responses. I could see the difference in just one session, so I have continued to provide this kind of video game therapy, even though people can now meet in person [after the pandemic].

Usually I do the typical introduction of who I am as a therapist, that I’m kind of a ‘kid helper’. [The messaging is:] I’m here to help you. Sure, maybe your parents found me, hired me, but I’m here for you. Then, we do a little introduction and that way I can gauge how talkative they might actually be outside of video gaming (because some of the kids are pretty talkative as well). 

Kids get excited when they meet me and see that I’m an adult that’s into gaming. Sometimes that’s enough to get them engaged. Then I’ll invite them to play a game of their choice. I’ll do my best to learn from them, to play with them – sometimes I’m good enough, sometimes I still have to install the game, but throughout the whole process, they feel respected and comfortable and they like that they are kind of leading things for the first time. Often kids are the ones being told what to do by adults and they rarely have an opportunity to be the ones leading and sharing what they’re into.

I think any seasoned teen therapist will know how difficult or resistant some teens can be to therapy itself. Getting their buy-in and getting them to just show up is really a hundred percent of it because I can’t do therapy if they don’t show up or don’t want to talk. 

Before video games were around, I think it’s a little less known that some of the earlier therapists would use music, walking, art, dollhouses, and even board games – this kind of involvement in a kid’s natural activities has always been around in therapy. I think maybe we are collectively having to wrap our minds around how video games can be acceptable here too. 

For young kids, it can be hard for them to express some of their deeper traumas verbally like adults can. I’ve had a few kids who were able to paint the scene or use [digital] blocks or build digital worlds that represented trauma memories, and were able to talk about it at a distance. It is a similar concept to the ‘empty chair technique’, where you have an empty chair in front of the client and the client imagines a person they wish they could talk to or say these things with. 

Excessive video gaming is a special challenge in that it’s so effortless to be gaming for hours on end, as compared to for example running or eating, where your body sends you these signals that say hey, you got to stop here. You can always game, and if you’re bored of gaming, you can go on social media. Bored of social media? Go on YouTube. Bored on YouTube? Well, it’s just endless. I think it’s hard for a young mind that hasn’t developed the kind of impulse control that I have as a fully developed adult. 

It takes an active role for the parents. Having positive alternative activities could be helpful. For example, kids might want to cook, and so cooking with their parents is a shared family activity. They might have pets. Oftentimes the feedback I get from parents is “he came out of his room to play with his pet” or “he hung out with us to watch the sports game” — the first time their teenager son has been able to have a conversation because things were so conflict-heavy and volatile. Little things like that mean a lot. Kids change so fast, and trying to keep up with their interests can be hard, but if you can find things that also gravitate to their interests, then listen and try to reserve your judgement. 

Yes, I highly recommend it! I was very fortunate in that my father, who’s an engineer, got me into gaming so that we could game together. Even coming back from college and he was much older, we were still able to play Starcraft together and we won a game – that was an awesome experience and a fond memory. I think your child would really appreciate it if you even just watched without judging. Sometimes I tell parents: if you don’t feel like playing, maybe just watch to see how good they are and their moves. [You could also] give praise, like “I like what you did there” or “That was really cool” – you don’t actually have to know the language or the character names.

I hope that the video game world can just be healthier and more collaborative; that there can be less mystery, less fear, and less isolation around it. I think [these things] are always going to be there. But let’s turn towards it and create healthier presences there too.